


He kissed my lips I taste your mouth

by ks_darkstorm



Series: 'Looking' Patrick/Kevin [5]
Category: Looking (TV)
Genre: Angst, Coda, Heartbreak, Love Confessions, M/M, To Be Continued, what happens next
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-13 01:47:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3363230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ks_darkstorm/pseuds/ks_darkstorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How much false hope can one person really take? How many broken promises need to be uttered before reality finally comes crashing down?</p><p> </p><p>Takes place after s02e04</p>
            </blockquote>





	He kissed my lips I taste your mouth

**Author's Note:**

> Well here is another one! Just caught up on the last two episode's of Looking and wrote this out quickly, hopefully get more time to write more in the next few days.
> 
> It's not been beta read so all mistakes are mine - Title taken from lyrics in the song 'Thinking of You' by Katy Perry

_"I will talk to Jon okay? Today, I will talk to him today. I will make this right and it will take time to make him understand in a way that doesn't wreck him, it will take time but I will do it today."_

How much false hope can one person really take? How many broken promises need to be uttered before reality finally comes crashing down? Patrick keeps walking, unable to stand the sight of Kevin or the bar, unable to be around smiling faces for even one second more because all he want's to do now is scream.

He feels wounded, as if Kevin has took a real knife and stabbed him in the back, in the heart, and it's so fucken shitty of him. He doesn't have any right to feel like this, not really. If anything it should be Jon, but that's the point isn't it? Jon still doesn't know anything, he's still caught up in his perfect reality where he gets to have Kevin every day, he gets to hold him and kiss him asleep every night.

What does Patrick have? 

_"You don't need to ask me Patrick, because that life you are building for us, I am too. I'm not losing it."_

He has nothing but a bunch of lies, lies and half-truths and he is so fucken stupid. How did he end up like this? How the hell did he alow himself to get used like this? He has no right to feel the way he does and for the first time since this all started with Kevin it finally dawns on him that he never had him in the first place. He was always Jon's and would always be Jon's.

Kevin could keep lying to himself all he wanted but Patrick's eyes where finally open.

"Patrick would you please just stop!" Kevin's voice rings out from some distance behind him, feet sounding heavy on the sidewalk as he jogs to catch up with Patrick's fast pace.

"Go away Kevin, I can't talk to you right now I swear to God." Patrick doesn't even bother to turn around, his eyes are wet and his heart is beating too fast against his chest, only focused on making his leg's move steadily enough to get him away from here.

"I can't, can you just stop for a minute and talk to me?"

"You want me to talk to you? Fine I'll talk to you Kevin!" Patrick spins around, squaring his shoulders as he tries to gather his thought's enough to speak. 

"Where should I start? How about the part where you came after me? Made me fall for you?" He pauses here, voice cracking slightly. 

"Or the part where you kept coming back? That every time I tried to pull away, tried to stop this for the sake of my own sanity, you managed to stop me! You managed to bury yourself just that little bit deeper inside me and I can't handle it anymore. I can't keep doing this because it's killing me Kevin, you are killing me."

He's crying now, tears escaping slowly from him even as he tries to reel them in. Kevin takes a step forward, arm's reaching out in comfort but Patrick doesn't allow the other man the chance.

"I'm so sorry Patrick, you have no idea how sorry I am. Yes okay, maybe I'm selfish, but I don't care. The thought of not having you in my life, of not being able to touch you or kiss you, of not being able to talk to you? If that makes me selfish then I don't care." He takes another step forward and this time Patrick remains where he is, both hating and loving the way his skin tingle's at the feel of Kevin's touch on his face.

"I Love you Patrick, I'm falling so fucken hard for you that I don't even know what direction is up anymore. I'll do it, I promise you I'll break it off with him, but I just need more time. I promise I'll do it."

Patrick shakes his head, eyes screwing up and he pulls away harshly.

"No okay, I'm not doing this anymore. We need to end this and you need to decide what you want. You either go back to Jon and live your life, we go back to a working relationship and nothing more, or you break up with Jon and you come find me." Patrick states, the conviction in his voice stronger than the way he feels.

Those are your options Kevin, but whichever one you choose, I won't be there for it. I can't be there for it. We have to stop this because its turning into something horrible, something shameful and tainted and I don't want to end up hating you."

"Patrick please, I can't lose you." Kevin's own voice is cracked and raw, the pain on his face almost too much for Patrick to be able to stand.

"You never really had me though, and I never really had you, not completely."

Kevin crumbles, a sob breaking from his throat as his own tears begin to fall and Patrick can't bear the sight of it. He turns his back, urges his legs forward even as the rest of his body fights to remain there, to take Kevin in his arm's and hold him so completely that nothing else exists. 

He keeps walking.


End file.
